#4 exploring spirituality

Hello lovelies,

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life. -Buddha

I have so many ideas lately, too many to choose from! So today, I wanted to talk a little bit about spirituality. I recently binge-watched a YT series from CrashCourse about Religion. I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, that is up to you. But I wanted to explore my own religious and spiritual beliefs with you. Maybe you find similar experiences in your own lives?

What religion and spirituality mean to me

To me, religion is a more organised faith following set principles and having a lineage of teachers. The lineage and many principles are important to Buddhism. I believe in the natural law of karma whereby as individuals, and a collective society, we create merit or positive karma and negative karma through afflictions like delusion and clinging. It sounds cold but it really made sense to me. I can’t describe it. I believe that all this karma leads us to be stuck in samsara through dukka (suffering) so it makes us experience rebirth. But there is hope in nirvana where it is the extinguishing of all things. It is where home will be one day. But for now, Buddhism is my home or more specifically, I felt Tibetan Buddhism was my home. Now, as discussed below, I am unsure.

Spirituality, to me, is an extension of my religion. I only learned this recently. The notion of chakras and energy also aligns when considering the elements, or winds, within the body. So, I use crystals to calm my chakras. I cleanse things to bring a sense of peace. I firmly believe I can feel the energies of people and an empath. I feel it helps me learn new ways of connection to everything within and around me.

My internal conflicts over the years

As a young child, I went to church, I sung hymns in choir, but it never felt quite right. As a young adult I considered Islam, but felt I was straying too far.

In 2020, I was in desperate need of spirituality, as the Buddha says above, I have spiritual needs, I saw a book recommendation by Thich Nhat Hanh. I bought it and clicked, there was an abundance of resources. I decided upon Tibetan Buddhism but still no particular school due to lack of a sangha (community, assembly) nearby. But it answered so many of my questions and has altered my worldview. As mentioned above, it was cold at first, but it’s about equanimity, which I’m still learning about.

The major conflict came earlier this year, really not too long ago. I found myself more spiritual. It felt completely different to my religion, what I thought I knew, more personal to me. This gave rise to agitation and confusion. I was doing more spiritual, rather than religious, activity.

This has now been spread further. On a whim I paid for an honest energy reading because something didn’t feel right still. My heart chakra was blocked, she put into words what I couldn’t see about the path I wanted to take, the end goal, what I needed to do. And next week I’d like to share this with you in more depth. Because I cleared my chakras, balanced as best I could, and it came to me that I needed to explore, going back to the first book I read.

How I overcame

I originally sat down with my Spirit Journal (SJ) and delved deeper to see spirituality as the extension, adding more wholesomeness to my life, which is the point.

The SJ, through the power of the word and free-writing, and with prompts, helped me to organise my thoughts, to delve deeper into my agitation, and my confusion.

I have learned I am still very new to all of this, that there are many ways to practice religion and spirituality. I was in need of advice and more knowledge. So I sought it out from someone who had no idea who I was.

I am so much further on than I was precisely 5 years ago, but I’m starting fresh. I know what lifework I have to do within me for my spiritual essence to flourish. I will now be exploring Zen Buddhism as it is about being, and I need experiences and not just intellect as I feel Tibetan Buddhism is at times. This was how I first started, so now it’s my duty to continue.

But next week, I will share my reading with you, I will bare my soul.

How they help in my life

Buddhism has helped me make sense of the world both religiously and secularly through the inter-connectedness of life and society, through knowing everything has impermanence and is fleeting. Mindfulness as a whole has helped bring me relief and hope and to be more present in my life. It somewhat helps my memory from my dissociation.

Spirituality helped me dig deeper in the self, which does at times contradict Buddhism as there is no self, but I see it as helping me in this lifetime, it brings a sense of calm and ease.

I am still in the learning phase in all of this and I invite you on the journey with me.