#5 my reading

If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. – Nikola Tesla

Hello my lovelies,

As promised, I am sharing most of my reading and a small reflection per each section. I wanted this to be somewhere, longer lasting. I asked for the topic to be around my faiths. Let’s get straight into it.

Current Energy & Spiritual State:
There’s a quiet conflict within you — a longing for peace, yet a restlessness that disturbs your inner stillness. While you intellectually align with Buddhist values such as detachment, compassion, and presence, your emotional and energetic body has not yet fully surrendered. Your spiritual practice feels more like an effort than an embodiment. There’s discipline, but not flow.

You are someone who seeks meaning beyond form — but there is a deep resistance to letting go of control. Your spiritual self is awakening, but your mind clings to rigid expectations of what enlightenment “should” look like.

Reflection: I agree I have been restless. I have been rushing through my practices because it started to feel more and more like a chore. I have been finding myself without true engagement or flow. I have been so focused on learning the knowledge and struggling with what I need to practice. It is practice I want.

What You Need to Learn to Further Your Spiritual and Religious Nature:
1. Surrender the Illusion of Mastery:
Your spiritual growth is being limited by your need to understand everything. You must experience it, not analyze it. Let go of needing to be “good” at spirituality. The ego wants to perfect it; the soul just wants to merge with it.
2. Shadow Integration:
You are avoiding certain emotional truths. There is spiritual bypassing here, where you try to “breathe it away” instead of facing it. To grow, you need to embrace the raw, painful parts of your story. Buddhist compassion includes yourself too. Until you sit with your own shadow, your compassion for others remains incomplete.
3. Let Go of the Fear of Stillness:
You chase stillness, but fear what arises in silence. Meditation must go deeper. Sit not to calm the mind, but to confront it. Learn to stay when discomfort shows up. Real awakening doesn’t feel light at first — it feels like being dismantled.
4. Discipline Without Punishment:
Your structure is admirable, but your relationship to discipline is harsh. There is guilt when you “fail” at being spiritual. Buddhism teaches the Middle Path — walk it with gentleness. Your soul grows from presence.

Reflection: Seeing it worded like this hit home, truly. It was the words I needed. I knew shadow work was needed but I’ve now begun that process. I didn’t realise just how harsh my discipline was, upon reflecting, it’s definitely there. So I am learning what it looks like to bring ease in practicing. I now have an affirmation: “I practice, then I learn”.

Your Spiritual End Goal — What It Looks Like:
Your highest spiritual path leads you to become a quiet teacher, a guide, someone who carries a still presence that transforms others without words. You are meant to embody spiritual truth — not just speak it. Your journey will strip you bare until you discover that peace was never in rituals or rules, but in simply being.

You are destined to reach a space where you no longer seek “enlightenment” but become it. This is not the end of suffering — but the beginning of radical acceptance. Your end goal is not a throne of peace, but a grounded, soft radiance — where you can witness pain, beauty, and impermanence with equal love.
You will not be a monk on a mountain — but a soul in the marketplace, carrying stillness in chaos, offering compassion in a world that has forgotten itself.
Hidden Blockage: The Heart Chakra
There is a significant blockage in your Heart Chakra. This blockage directly impacts your ability to connect spiritually and empathically.

Reflection: When I read I could become a quiet teacher, I realised that was what I was hoping for. I want to at least embody it.

Overall, though this reading was done on a whim, it was illuminating. The reader put everything I wasn’t able to formulate myself, in to the light. I feel recognised. So I am now meditating daily and it’s really helping. I am still reading just to get a style of what Zen Buddhism brings. My routine is more flexible now, I am doing the hard shadow work too. But I am so glad I did this.