Nurtured Words

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will”
― Charlotte Brontë

Hello lovelies,

Today, I want to talk about something that is a bit bigger, but so important to me despite my roots in Buddhism: identity. As someone with BPD, I am no stranger to identity crises. I often wondered where I started and ended within the context of mental illness. I didn’t know my strengths, my true values and morals, nor the true traits I wanted to embody. I didn’t even know what style of clothes I should be wearing!

Now, the quote above, often used everywhere, is powerful for one reason: it combines us collectively but also assumes this notion we are free to choose who we want to be independent of what society tells us to be.

Identity covers so many aspects of ourselves. From not only our personality, emotions, values, but also our roles in the experience we have within this life. Our experiences shape who we are. And I have a question for you: does it make all we are? Or is there more to us than our identity? As a survival technique, we humans love categories. It’s a way of feeling safe and secure. For example, I feel my diagnoses were a gift because I knew I could identify my experience and knew what was happening to me meant I was not alone.

Answering those questions myself, I believe we are more than our identity, yes it shapes who we are, how we will evolve, it acts as our guide but we are forever changing. Our identity shifts constantly, it’s never permanent. Therefore, we can act out of character as it were. I feel if I stuff myself into boxes and categories I lose the essence of myself, which is a free human being with an independent will.

Here is another question: Is our identity elements all equal? I’d say no. Depending upon what situation, what moment we are in, a different element takes precedence, something else will come forward and we decide our next move based on one aspect.

Final question: what makes an identity? There is so much we could cover in this it would make for a good dissertation! It is more than our personality, it is values, beliefs, memories and experiences, our appearance, our roles in society, the bonds we have with others, our culture, how we form ourselves and understanding who we are at our core.

Now, an important part of forming our identity is that it is interdependent, connected all together, relying on each other. From this comes intersectionality. It is attributes who make us who we are in social contexts and more.

So for example, I am a white, cisgender, pansexual, disabled Buddhist and spiritual woman. These all form parts of my identity and help me find a role individually and collectively in my life and society. But whilst it is my identity, I refuse to be defined solely on this, because I feel I have more to offer than saying this all the time. It guides my choices but I understand my life and want more from my experiences guiding me.

Journal prompt: What is my identity? What do I most align with in my identity currently?

Kindly, Leanne x