#13 family

“I sustain myself with the love of family.”― Maya Angelou

Hello my lovelies,

How are you? Today I wanted to talk about something close to my heart: family. Family can mean so many different things, it’s traditionally defined as “descendants of a common ancestor” or “group of one or more parents and their children” which really simplifies what it means to be a family. I suppose that is needed, but I feel like as a society, we still have such a narrow view of what it means to be a family. People say we must love them all no matter what, and do things for them no matter what. I am going to rock the boat a little and say we DON’T have to.

I wanted to talk about it because recently I have been pondering the miracles and stress family can bring and trying to understand the complex roles within it.

To me, blood family are a group you are related to by well, blood, but without a perceived role in mind. I think a supposedly typical family will lean on each other when needed, be equitable in support, tending to any needs. But also be able to be honest, try not to hide secrets, to not fear reprisal for having a reasonable opinion. Family comes together and should, most of the time, blend well together.

Now, family isn’t just blood it’s also “chosen” family, People often talk about family of origin and chosen family. I remember coming across the term only a few years ago, and it completely changed my perception. My chosen family are those who I willingly choose to create a strong bond with, to have healthy relationships and boundaries with but also to have lifelong companionship in the way we decide together. A true collusion of love, in the deep way. A force of good in our lives,

Family in my life are vital, they can be a support network, and have spent a long while caring for me. I chose and asked to have a Mum and Dad to go along with my mama and baba because my Mum and Dad made me feel like a daughter a long time ago, I have been so lucky they said yes when I asked to give them that title, I did not ask lightly. Asking something like this can be tough, but I’d have definitely understood the no. However, I now have two sets of parents and it is so heartwarming and I’m forever in gratitude.

Biology isn’t everything because why should it be? So many people focus on trying to please their biological family, often neglecting their own needs and wants. How is that equitable? Blood family can be joyous and wholesome and warm, perfect nearly, but for many it’s chaotic and difficult, and conflicting. So, chosen family, those we are determined to have around us who we know appreciate us is all the more powerful.