#16 a ramble

One cannot fix one’s eyes on the commonest natural production without finding food for a rambling fancy. – Jane Austen

Hello my lovelies,

Today I thought I’d keep it simple. If you’ll allow me I thought I might have a little ramble on different topics, consider is a little update on life.

Books

Ahh books, recently I found myself low on books, very unlike me, so I bought a selection. They are really helping me in my journey to rest though I will admit, I haven’t read as much due to my poor mental health. Though, I’d love to do a series of reviews, once again an extra extra Wednesday.

Time has been more in my favour, so more reading as part of my rest would be lovely. I just have to be careful not to devour books in case I set off my fatigue.

I now have a basket full of books. I used to be on a limit of one build-a-bear Grogu in height as a little joke with my fiancé to ensure I didn’t over-buy books! Now I measure it as a basket.

Mental health

Things have been a bit rocky. I reached out for support with NHS talking therapies as I went through a very low period. I had my assessment 26th June and they said I was too ‘complicated’. I felt so disheartened. I then had a small assessment and now have to wait 6+ weeks for a face-to-face assessment. It has really hampered my mood. I did reach the peak of my breakdown last week. It started as intense loneliness and I cried so, so much. I’m not ashamed to say I cried, or that my recovery from September never actually happened.

I could have actually gone straight back to secondary care, but I was not informed until it was too late so I have to start again. I will not lose hope because it’s a right to have the appropriate mental health care. A RIGHT. Not something you earn. Everyone deserves it should they need it.

Please remember, we all have mental health, exactly like physical health. Take care of your mental health, always.

Rest

The journey of rest. I’m doing my best right now. I have tried getting back into behavioural activation, balancing my time rather than doing everything all at once. It is not always going to plan but I’m trying. I am in a better place. Who knew resting could be so hard?

I think reading about restful activities really saw me change to be less ‘efficient’ and more mindful. I am incorporating what people already see as rest into my life more. Like new year goals, it’s about add more into life rather than taking away. I did try one book but, it wasn’t great and just, wasn’t right.

I have been so harsh on myself, I needed flexibility. I lightly plan days now. But gosh, it is more important than ever for me to learn resting, to enjoy cloud watching and so much more. I like the cloud watching, I feel so aligned with the clouds.

Volunteering

I wanted to end this on a really positive note, because despite it all, I’m still finding joys, and a major joy is in my volunteering. I am doing well in all three. I am connecting to clients over the phone nationally with a charity, I am making such a big difference already. Locally, I’m helping in person and seem to be doing a good job. I am also doing media work which brought a dear friend back into my life. I have found where I belong, places where I have joy, growth, peace and empowerment, not only for me but for those I’m helping. A sense of belonging, of connection and purpose can keep people going, I speak from experience.