#25 my guided path: The Four Unlimited

“When your heart is able to embrace every living being, it has no frontier.” – Thich Nhat Hanh.

Hello my lovelies,

I am starting a 2-part series for this week and next focusing upon two aspects of Buddhism that are really encouraging my path as a Buddhist practitioner: The Four Unlimited (today) and The Four Noble Truths (next Friday).

The Four Unlimited are considered to form the true love we can have as humans. I have utilised these predominantly for myself in recent weeks in the vein that to have this love for others, we must be able to practice it on ourselves. I have been drawn to them for a long time and I find practicing true love for myself and for others eases what we call suffering. So today, I will take you on a little lightweight journey on what The Four Unlimited are. In essence, The Four Unlimited can provide happiness but need to be tended to, cultivated, watered and nourished. Let us begin, dear friends.

Maitri (loving-kindness) is the first element of true love. It is about offering friendship in a way that you maintain your freedom, and maintain the freedom of others. Maitri needs to be borne from an equal basis, respecting one another and having understanding of one another. Maitri is spending time together mindfully, seeing the needs and obstacles and help the other person find a path forward.

Maitri is what I first came across when I was younger and I was taken with it, absolutely. By offering kindness we allow for everything else to flow from within. I try to be understanding of everyone, to see other views, to respect the freedom of others. I try not to judge and open my heart to others. This doesn’t always work, but feeling like there is a connection (which to me there is given interbeing) can be revolutionary. When considering myself, I realised I should not judge myself in any state, to offer a gentle manner upon myself when I need it most. I embrace all my obstacles and suffering, to walk alongside them and see where I can alleviate some of the pain.

Karuna (compassion) is the capacity to understand the suffering and help transform it. When in love, you should be able to identify suffering and know to help to enable healing. We all have suffering in some form, compassion occurs when mutual aid arrives at the right time. Understanding is necessary for compassion, showing a lack of judgement and demonstrating authenticity in your compassion.

Transforming suffering is the ultimate endpoint if there ever is one. This can only be done through compassion, respect, understanding and a profound sense of wanting to help. When I am low, or agitated or anxious, I see these seeds within myself, the mental formations and have compassion. I look deeply at the causes and conditions that brought it about like external stress, lack of sleep, pain. Once I understand the cause, I authentically act to show myself maitri out of compassion. Having karuna for others can be more difficult in our times when everything is so polarised and heated with extremities. There is no easy answer on how to act with, and feel for, others through karuna. However, start with yourself, extend it to loved ones, to people you see on the street and soon that cultivation allows for karuna to flourish.

Mudita (joy) is needed to be shared by both, not just one person in relationships. All needs should be included and have the capacity to enjoy each other’s joys. This should be sympathetic and empathetic; not only should you be able to receive joy, but you should be able to offer joy also.

Mudita is beautiful. I have always wanted to bring joy to other people’s lives, but I have struggled immensely with feeling like I deserve joy in my own life. I have a tendency to focus on why I do not deserve it, even though I believe everyone else deserves mudita. Funny how that works in my brain, isn’t it? Joy brings the ultimate happiness, it allows for everything else to flow as seamlessly as a river. I often think of joy in the colour yellow, just so bright and welcoming. I feel like seeing that I deserved joy allowed me to practice maitri more. We all deserve joy and a lack of suffering for within us is Buddha-nature. I spend my days looking for the little joys and what helps me smile each day and how I can spread that happiness to others. This offers the all-important hope.

Upeksha (non-discrimination) is considered the “higher form of love”. This is where you can love someone no matter their political, spiritual, social views, their class or race. Upeksha is about striving to love everyone equally, with balance. We should want to offer understanding and compassion and help others, regardless of who they are. It is all-embracing and inclusive. By loving someone you disagree with, they may then offer the same elements, like compassion, to others.

I think, given my mental illnesses, I discriminated against myself a lot, I think a lot of people do. I have felt unworthy of maitri, and karuna and mudita because I am ill, because I have hurt others in the past. As previously mentioned, we live in a world full of extremes and polarisation, so not discriminating on any level can seem impossible. This is the element I truly struggle with at times, I will not lie. When I see people seemingly filled with such hatred and anger through their own discrimination, I get angry at the injustice. But anger only hardens the heart, discriminating hardens the heart. So I have to make a conscious effort, what makes them be full of anger? What is the cause? How can I be of use to ease it?

The point of this post is just to be open. I struggle maintaining all these elements of love to myself and everyone on the planet. I am starting with me in honour of my young self who did not show herself one ounce of the Four Unlimited. I want to truly love myself in order to be able to truly love everyone else, that is the best offering I can make in this manifestation. I want to be engaged in this world, alleviating suffering where I can. They are called the Unlimited because they are exactly that: unlimited. There are no bounds and fetters upon maitri, nor karuna, mudita and especially not upeksha.

I hope you can see this and recognise you deserve this true love from others, and you deserve to show yourself these elements too.