#27 how my View on self-care has changed over the years

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
― audre lorde

Hello my lovelies,

i am a big proponent of self-care, I have spouted the essential glory of it for years, but recently I have realised there has been a shift – focus upon the tiniest of acts of self-preservation. Things have been so difficult since Spring and now I am on a mission to preserve my joy, to act in ways society will consider me a ‘snowflake’. But this is a resistance, it is a resistance to say that I am, as an individual, worthy of care from others and myself. I refuse to go down a path where I must sacrifice myself. So today, I want to show you my journey.

When I first came across self-care, it was more of a superficial understanding. I thought it was all about pampering, using balms and sprays, baths scented lovely. Now, these can be considered me- you- time, so an act of self-care indeed. But it didn’t feel like true care for myself.

This developed in to making essential appointments to keep well, planning my days so I felt accomplished, organised and relaxed by getting on top of things, the absolute basics of being ready for a day like hygiene. I used the PERMA model to engage myself in activities to better my wellbeing overall. This is closer to my current understanding, because self-care, in an act of self-preservation is through bettering my wellbeing as best I can. However, I fell in to the trap that is discipline. I overcomplicated my processes, it caused decision fatigue and fear of illbeing, I didn’t want to go ‘backwards’ in any way, shape or form.

In my quest for self-care, I forgot the ultimate act: being kind and gentle to myself. Last year I lost it, I lost the stillness being bedbound brought me, I lost connection to what my nature was. I lost my sense of self. I felt like I had to do all the time. I know I bang on about this doing malarkey, but I keep it in the forefront of my mind because it is so hard to figure out.

In the last few months, something clicked and I have been kinder and more gentle to myself, I think I have found the balance (mostly) of having routine, having kindness, but also being proactive in my health and wellbeing. I have connected to my Spirit again, I meditate twice a day for 10 minutes when I feel right for it, I do hope to increase time because my quality is good, but I am not setting a limit. No matter how hard it is though, I complete my hygiene, cleanliness is important to me, so it is non-negotiable, I adapt however should I need to. I am trying to be more mindful of the nutriments I consume, because reading the news all day or listening to things that can induce anger is not self-care.

To preserve yourself, to act against the world telling you that you must do everything and be everything and not focus on yourself but the world, is warfare. To do what you want and need when you want and need to is paramount. No words can stress how important being kind and gentle to yourself is. To take those moments and seize them to feel better. I try to find a balance now in essentials: hygiene, medications, appointments, PERMA activities like hobbies, some doing of housework, and pampering. It is all self-care. The best way to figure it out? Develop your own understanding, reflect on your ultimate needs and yours alone, then experiment. But be kind.