Nurtured Words

What is reflection if we do not ask ourselves questions?

Hello my lovelies,

Today, I thought I would do somewhat of a little interview of myself to reflect on, well, everything. I am using questions I have once been fielded by others and I hope it inspires you to ask these questions for yourself, so get that journal out please!

What are you most proud of in life? Gosh there are so many. I think it is completing a lot of therapy. It was a hard period of time when I did the most intensive elements but I got through it and I ended up experiencing beauty in post-traumatic growth. I think I am proud of all the opportunities I have gotten to take, from getting my first-class degree, to the Global Ministerial Mental Health Summit and Downing Street visits. I am proud that I have made it an extra 12 years more than I ever believed I would (more on that when I turn 30!)

What are you most proud of from this year? Easy, getting back into volunteering. I have done a lot of training and outreach this year both nationally and locally. It fills me with such joy to have a purpose again. After the often repeated breakdown, I knew I wanted to go back into third sector mental wellbeing volunteering, and me being me, I decided to apply for three roles. Two national charities and one localised. There has been a lot of training, and a bit of a juggle at times, but I am doing it all, and doing it well.

What has been difficult this year? I think it is feeling like I regressed in elements of my health, having the stresses of life and forgetting everything, having all those blanks. It is not easy to say where this year has gone.

What is the meaning of your life right now? The meaning of my life is to be a good fiancée, to empower others in my work, to focus on my health and getting back to where I want to be.

How do you cope with everything? It has been a while since this one was asked. I am coping through my faith, through routines and rituals, balancing activities, posting here, journaling a lot, tech-free time definitely. I know I have the support of my fiancé and my best friend – unconditionally – and that makes a difference.

Where did my wellbeing journey start? This has been ongoing since I was 15/16. I had a lot of misconceptions about what wellbeing was, what I could do to be better, ‘what would fix me’ was a common question I asked. But it wasn’t about fixing, it was about coping. During my 2019 therapy, I started to gain a better picture. I learned how to respond to my needs, to focus on what I wanted to do alongside it. In the past year I have expanded upon that learning further. Wellbeing as a term seems elusive, like liquid you cannot quite catch. It is still like this for me, a little too free and not as solid as an insight. After I got really unwell at 15, I knew I needed to understand what made me happy essentially, I then decided it was about finding moments of contentment and joy (also elusive terms). However, when I started really practicing kindness to myself I saw what those things were and dedicated time to finding more.

How do I keep hope? Hope has been instilled in me since I was young, “things can only get better” was my mantra. I feel like it was ingrained in me to keep going. When I lost hope, I ended in a dark place, but I realised that life did have beauty and a dignity about it so I wanted to become, once again, hopeful. I still fall into despair on occasion, much like recent months, but I have learned acceptance. Acceptance gives me hope.

Kindly, Leanne x