#37 a long read

CW: Small mention of death

Hello my lovelies,

As promised this may be a long read, today I am covering both the month, my birthday, and the year!

When I neared 18, I almost didn’t make it. I believed my time was up. Now here I am at 30 years old. I got an extra 12 years (so far!) I used to fear my birthday for many years after, but I actually looked forward to this one, I became reflective in a positive manner, so here are the lessons I learnt.

Birthday Lessons

Loving my whole self is possible.
Language matters.
Hope is essential.
I am more than hard experiences.
Life can be beautiful and sad at the same time.
I am worthy of tremendous love and life itself.
Freedom can be found in every moment.
Respect matters.
Nothing is permanent.
Stillness is a saviour.
I am more than illbeing.
Being kind to myself and showing myself grace is an act of resistance and revolution.

December

I am not going to lie, this month has been so full of blanks, I barely remember much. I have been rather ill and that is okay, it happens. Dissociation is rough. I am missing so many memories that I genuinely do not know where the time has gone. What I do know is, inside my home has been peace amongst chaos.

The Christmas market was lovely, whilst we didn’t fulfil all our plans (lunch), Luke and I treated each other to a few things. I got a lovely bangle. My birthday was lowkey, and full of joy. Christmas was similar. It was mainly just Luke and I, we made a delicious dinner and rested. We did see family but after this year, it was exactly what we needed. I loved giving gifts (how I show love). It was lovely to take a moment to breathe and be present, pause and cherish my time.

However, difficulties have arisen. A, seemingly, loss of a relationship. It has, however, shed the sun of awareness on the truth, the reality and I am in solidarity with those who are also affected. We have grown so much closer and it has been, well, beautiful and sad. But I want to relinquish all the unwholesome feelings, I will release the tension. I want 2026 to be about healing and presence in the lives of those around me.

But another lovely thing that happened was I will be expanding in one of my voluntary roles and be undertaking additional work. I am finally starting to shape my life exactly as I want.

Letter

Dearest you,

Your favourite film is still Hero by Zhang Yimou. You cannot decide your favourite book anymore, you love all the works of Elif Shafak and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

You have been focusing on improving your mental health and physical in 2025. It has been a real challenge but your body right now is so strong, you are even nondiabetic! Mental health wise, it has been hard, really hard, I see that. But you went through the right channels and hopefully, in 2026, interventions will come.

Your focus for the new year is financial and spiritual health. You are hoping to complete a few more Plum Village courses, save money again (thank you broken washer and broken phone) and reduce and stop getting into debt. There has been a disconnection on Spirit, it is a case of gaining clarity and maintaining that.

In 2025, you hoped to work with one charity and now you are balancing THREE. There has been no masters degree but you are loving the volunteering. You have found what you are brilliant at and what you want to do with this life.

You predicted in 2024 that this year, you would be engaged and you got it spot on. It happened!

Your main outlets this year has been writing more poetry (wrote nearly every day), reading (around 70 books) and journaling (every single day).

So what do you hope for in the new year? I think it is deepening your faith, maintaining financial security, getting the help of the mental health team and progression in volunteering.

I want you to truly live by your values this year: hope, compassion, integrity, authenticity, joy. This year can end on the note you deserve, through love. 2026 is a complete mystery but have faith in yourself, look how far you have come in just 12 months. I am proud of you. I love you. Please fare well in 2026 and trust your intuition.

Much love, Me x

Happy 2026 to you all.